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Unfortunately, it’s a false sense of well-being and is entirely dependent on the actions of others (thus the inevitable crippling neediness).
For men and women, growth in relationship is in direct proportion to one’s sense of emotional responsibility.
In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.
It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness.
When a person (male or female) realizes that only they themselves can be responsible for their emotions, actions, and reactions…
they break the chain of seeking a sense of OK-ness externally.
To wrap up this point: Most people can’t recognize when they believe something impossible, nor can they see the false belief as the source for all of the suffering…
It’s painful because it’s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible…
and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion.
all they feel is suffering and they want it to end. and honestly, I think all of us, man and woman, have been there at one time or another. It doesn’t mean anything about you, your worth, your attractiveness, your value, etc.
Again, all this was said in the context of if they guy was the one who was dumped. I hate to say it, but this is usually a case where the guy wasn’t feeling happy with the relationship for a while and when another opportunity came along, he jumped ship. I don’t have much to say about it, other than that it sucks and that your best move is to move on, get back out there and date new people. It has nothing to do with you, you don’t need to understand, you don’t need closure.